Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
