Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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