I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
