look no pants
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
