Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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