You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
