i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
