I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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