Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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