I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
