What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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