so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
