His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
