can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
