For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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