I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
