Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
