i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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