Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
