She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
