I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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