Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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