he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
