I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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