Got a toothbrush?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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