I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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