whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
