I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
