ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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