He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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