don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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