I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
