Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
