I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A+ Viking dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
