then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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