I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
