Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
