U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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