I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm at about main and main street
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
