You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
