$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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