Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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