Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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