farters have to be the big spoon...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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