In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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