Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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