Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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