I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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