I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
