bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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