i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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