I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God, I missed his penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
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