Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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