It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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