Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
