Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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