matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
