He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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