Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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