omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
