No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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