a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
