i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
