you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
