I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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