In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
