11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
