My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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