mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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