So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
