I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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