his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
