dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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