If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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