Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
